Finding the perfect nail or screw?

Art Shirk (Joe Mantegna) speaking to Walter Usually when a women calls a carpenter, she want the ol' hammer and nail."

Finding that perfect nail or screw can be a challenge during any DYI project, its not brain surgery but some thought process is used....I guess.

Take our do-it-yourself-because-it's-cheaper family for instance....one day our family began and we had no screws, nails, nuts, etc.....and now we have an entire 'family-life-time' of nails, screws, bolts, nuts, washers, etc.....

What happened? Well apparently someone didn't follow a whole lot of directions and things we own or no longer own are missing some screw, nut, bolt, nail or washer...because heaven forbid...why in the world do you buy these things in bulk? It's a curtain rod, it requires 4 anchors, 6 if it spans a distance....why do I have 50 anchors for that size? Well it begins with "Honey, do yo mind running to the store for me and ends with one word.....

WALTER

Today I had to go find a screw...one that would fit perfect in the whole I drilled and replace the screw I stripped out....yeah power drill did it....but when I go to do this....its like the hallway from Poltergeist when the mom is trying to get to her kids....it is really, really long....and somewhere music begins to play...the kind in a horror flick where you know something bad is about to happen....

But I tredge on and upon opening the door to the garage, I spot them....the tubs of nails, screws, bolts, washers, a master lock set, brackets for shelves, things I don't recognize or want to know what they did not make it into.....glaring. At me.....like daring me to come and search through them....and I full well and knowing, know without any doubt that I will not walk away unscathed...these tubs of left over, found, bought and plain "I don't know where it came from" items are deadly.....there is simply no telling what you will come across in there.

Today....it was a mini saw blade....just hanging out with his buddies the screws and nails and in a split second....blood. I am, an accident waiting to happen, or so my father often told me.....it was like the accident knew it was my day...and just waited in the wings to befall upon my unsuspecting fingers (leg, arm, neck, back and head). I can do about anything well....but the best thing I am good at...is apparently getting hurt....

Last year I dislocated my shoulder, subluxation....I did this to myself while using a table saw.....now most people cut themselves on the blades....requiring stitches...no, Anna here, I get my finger too close to the blade, hits the side (hotter then hell) and knowing I have cut off my finger (I actually just burned it on the saw blade), whips around so fast I partially dislocated my left shoulder, causing a SLAP tear....it needs surgery...I felt like an idiot explaining how I managed this feat.....the surgeon was not amused....and thus I have decided to permanently put on hold the surgery from any surgeon who has no sense of humor to laugh...it really was kind of humorous....however, I did not cut myself, so that is a positive, right?

Okay, I conceed, maybe you had to be there to get the full on humor/effect of the situation~ but I was alone, to put my shoulder back in I pulled a DIE HARD Bruce Willis and slammed it into the wall...I then laid on my garage floor screaming for about an hour until I could calm down enough to get up....why does that stuff appear so easy in movies? Okay, so maybe not so funny at the time....eh?

~TRW